The Earth is so peaceful at sunrise 💚

7 years ago, I had my last drink. I remember waking up at 3:00 in the morning in absolute mental and physical agony. I knew I needed to stop drinking, so I sent a long winded, desperate email to a counselor that a friend had found for me, begging for his help. 

Alcohol was wreaking havoc on my body and stunting my emotional growth. I ignored the stabbing abdominal pain, telling myself if I didn’t drink beer, or if I took a day or two off, it would subside. I gained a lot of weight, ate poorly and didn’t sleep much. 

One of the hardest parts about quitting this habit was the fact that people thought I was so much fun to be around when I was drinking. My personality was very different- I was more comfortable in social situations, I’d make people laugh, I sang karaoke, I could talk with anyone and everyone about anything and I was invited to so many parties.  

But I didn’t realize that it was all a false sense of belonging. I was masking my anxiety, spending time with people who may not have been the best for me, and I had very poor decision making skills. 

Meetings got me through my first year and a half. I found an incredible group of people who made me feel loved, despite my past. They understood my journey and offered a helping hand along the way. I’m not sure I would have gotten through that time without them.

And now, as I wake on this morning that marks seven years of sobriety, I am reminded that I am one of the lucky ones. I know this disease takes so many people, and statistics say that only 1 out of every 10 people who try and get sober are actually able to do it. 

So here’s to accepting the fact that I’m quirky and uncomfortable in certain social situations, but more appreciative of true friendships, time in nature and taking photographs, stargazing, sunrises and sunsets, moments with my pup, and making memories with my incredible Fiancé. 

June 1st will always be one of my favorite days- now for two reasons. It also marks Ed’s and my one year anniversary.

Mother Nature smiled upon my world yesterday with her beautiful wildflowers and rainbow.

I ain’t lookin over fences

Trying to find a better view

My search for all that ended

When I first laid eyes on you.

And the grass is always greener

Cause the sun shines when you smile.

And when I’m holding you

The world makes sense

on my side of the fence.

– Dan and Shay “My side of the fence”

Thank you universe for the love you have planted in my heart and home.

October paints the morning with an amber hue

as trees shiver in their golden sweaters

dropping pieces of lint like confetti

sprinkling atop the barren isle below,

Today is a celebration

as the smell of rain fills the air

bringing with it a sense of relaxation

the taste of hot apple cider,

and the sounds of pumpkin carving.

Trick or treating and candy corn,

Memories of childhood

That spill over into adulthood,

While grownup me looks for

purple sunrises and deer munching

on meadow grass in the fog,

forgetting about the mask and costume

I still wear on occasion.

No, darkness, not today.

Today is a celebration

So I forget about the shadows

and focus on the beautifully dressed trees

that dance in the autumn breeze

on this spectacular October morn.

Good morning,

As I sit at my kitchen table, enjoying a homemade strawberry matcha latte on this snowy morning, I want to take some time to reflect on my life’s journey—past and present.

I suppose I shall begin with the years that have already passed, and what they have taught me. First and foremost, I have learned that I am truly loved – by my family, a few close friends (near and far), my boyfriend, and my adorable pup. But most of all, I am loved by me- something I have worked hard to achieve for many years. And of course, I am also loved by my higher power- the universe, my guardian angel- the one who looks out for me and reminds me I am never alone. Often times I forget about this force, so I am making it one of my goals to try and connect with it a bit more regularly.

Another thing I have learned is that these types of love are unconditional, which brings me a sense of calmness and comfort that I have longed for my entire life. To know that I can be unapologetically myself and still be given compassion is perhaps one of the greatest gifts I could ever be given.

Additionally, I do not have to know all the answers to be a good teacher, coach, friend, etc. For too long I’ve struggled with the fear that I did not measure up to the intelligence of my fellow coworkers, but have recently discovered that teaching and life experience, compassion, connection, understanding, and general common sense are more important than the number of books I read or the depth of my vocabulary. I am kinder to myself when I need to look up a certain word or tell a student that I will need to do a bit of research to answer their question.

Lastly, I have learned that fear, mistakes, and sadness are always going to be a part of life, but they do not have to be paralyzing. I have seen people old and young faced with different fears which they have used to help them to better understand themselves. I’ve had some wonderful conversations with people who were afraid of all sorts of different things, and I was able to witness them grasp the courage to overcome their fears. It’s such a beautiful thing when someone not only wants to talk about their fear but understands why it is there and makes a plan to push past it and grow, no matter how painful or scary it may be. I’ve been on both sides of those conversations, and the fact that there are people out there whom I can be vulnerable with about my fears is something truly special.

There are certainly many more lessons I have learned in the past thirty-seven years, but I think those are some of the most valuable.

Today I plan on embracing the present moment- feeling lucky that I have been given another year on this earth to live, love, learn, and grow.