The whippoorwill swayed somberly in the moonlight

Following the waltz of the wind

Like a prospective princess at a masquerade ball

Hoping to find her prince.

The sailboats soared over a distant sea

Fueled by torrents across the liquid night sky

Littered with luminous bits of ash

As la luna closed her eyes.

The poet awakened under a golden sky

Painted in teardrops of morning dew

As the barn swallows flitted through the meadow grass

Showcasing their spectacular shades of blue.

_______________________________________

Feeling extremely poetic this morning. Probably all the Irish and Scottish music. Check out the brilliant and poetic lyrics of “Shields in the Morning Light” by Vikings and Valkyries, “Forest of Endless Roots” by Bards of Ethernia, and “Love Such as Oak Tree,” by Teo Tigano.

Happy Monday!

Voices calling out

Rum, bourbon, tequila

The familiar sound of glasses

Filling with liquor

As faces around me

Become more relaxed.

Smiles replace the stress 

Of the day

And laughter fills the air.

I used to be like them

Looking forward to gatherings

When liquid courage

Coursed through my veins.

The old me,

She was fun

Confident and relaxed

As soon as the tequila

Passed her lips,

The old me

Could talk to anyone,

No fear of crowds 

Or strangers.

I envy her

As I sit here in the corner

Of a crowded room

Anxious and overwhelmed

Fighting back tears

Of anger

As the bottles

Seem to mock me.

A little over seven and a half years of sobriety, and tonight was really hard. I felt the discomfort grow to anger and regret. I felt myself getting angry at the present version of me because she wasn’t able to drink, and because she wasn’t able to relax around this group of people. I eventually had to quietly exit and head home, as the feelings became too much.

it’s true what they say- this disease is always there. It creeps up when your guard is down, when you think it can’t hurt you anymore. It makes you hate yourself sometimes. It makes you regret the choices you made when you were drowning in the bottle. And it makes you envious of those around you who can drink in a healthy way, who aren’t controlled by the power of alcohol the way you were.

Beautiful autumn day surrounded by family and close friends who have become my family over the years. Golden sunset, perfectly timed geese flight, a comedic cat running by my feet during my vows, and some curious deer.

Never have I felt such an outpouring of love. Not only from the universe and our loved ones, but from myself as well.

Our special day reminded me just how much I am cared for, and how grateful I am for the path I have taken. It has led me to some incredible people. ❤️

Words could never do this justice.

Silver shimmers of experience

Nestled amongst strands 

of golden brown hair,

Reminders of the gift 

Her past had given her.

All the tears she had cried

Over heartaches and false visions

Of who she thought she was

And what she thought she needed,

No longer stained her face

Or pierced her soul, 

As she saw the kind brown eyes

And moonlight smile 

Gaze back at her

From the lake below,

No longer did she fear

The sight of her own reflection.

For now her purpose

And direction

Glistened in the starlight,

Or atop the blades of grass,

Her reason for living

Could even be found

Nestled in the cumulus clouds

Or between the heavy raindrops 

As I get ready for work this morning, I hear my fiancé and sister chatting and laughing in the living room, while my pup lays down at my sister’s feet. I couldn’t help but smile at this image and create a snapshot of it in my mind. 

I’ve heard a lot of men and women talk about their relationships as boring because they’re too safe- that they miss the spark and excitement they used to have, or that they observe in other couples.

And honestly I used to think the same thing. I used to think that true love was exhilarating, saturated with all sorts of intense emotions that should never fade. But that intensity? It isn’t love, not in the real sense of the word. It’s attraction, attachment, and longing- things that feel great some of the time, but aren’t built to last. And often times they come with an unsettling rollercoaster ride. 

So ill take my safe love, the one that works with me to create a world where I can grow, take risks, work through things, be weird and silly, make mistakes and learn, all the while knowing that I am loved- not only by him, but by myself. 

I’ll take a love that is constant and reliable, like the air we breathe.

I love seeing her so happy on our adventures!

Life has been good to me lately, and I’m doing my best to stay present in as many moments as I can. It’s challenging, as our brains are wired to look ten steps ahead at times (preparing for the other shoe to drop, thinking about work deadlines, etc.) but how freeing it is to just be fully present, even if it’s just for a few moments.

Sitting in the river always reminds me to be present. I’ve got some exciting things to look forward to in the coming year, and I am allowing myself to be happy and grateful for the recent gifts.

The passage from the first two photos is from “Peace is Every Step,” and it’s a book I tend to revisit when I feel myself straying too far into the past or future with anxiety. Excitement on the other hand is a beautiful view of a horizon that I’ve only ever dreamed of exploring.

I’ve also started saying “yes” to things that scare me a bit, pushing out of my comfort zone and creating new memories. Being present has helped me to do this, and I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in a long time.